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The women of Forbearance’s Esther Circle were the first to notice Ellen Stabler’s restlessness sometime after the last of Ellen’s children left home. These women had known each other for years and had few secrets among them. Their bonds were strong—forged through hours of Bible study, prayer, laughter, tears and the stories of their individual lives. They had been together through career changes, marriages, funerals, miscarriages, births, job difficulties, parenting quandaries, crises of faith, hot flashes and celebrations. So it wasn’t surprising that they noticed a change in Ellen.

Ellen, now in her fifties, had raised five children with admirable vigilance through the good times and the not-so-good times. Her children were the most important people in her life and she had applied herself ardently to their welfare. She had been the sort of mother who always waited for her teenagers until they were in for the night and, if they didn’t come in on time, she went looking for them. She didn’t easily tolerate foolishness, but she also had an abundance of empathy that resulted in a particular closeness with her children. She was the one they
confided in and many hours were spent listening to
dramas of youthful yearnings and anxieties. She was
the “temperature-taker” of the family and any hint of distress in one of her children was a call to action.
“Talk to me and let me see if I can help” became her motherly mantra and she did not rest until she found solutions, frequently lying awake at night pondering what she might have left unsaid or undone.

In fact, her empathy and her curative prescriptions were so effective that her teenagers brought their friends to her—a sort of surrogate mother, who would patiently listen and advise. Ellen became, in short, a fixer—the go-to person for young people with dilemmas. It was a role she came to cherish, but then, over the years, without Ellen realizing it, it became a role she came to need—a different thing altogether, for it was a role with an unwelcome early retirement plan.

Charlotte Johnstone is a member of Immanuel Presbyterian Church in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She (and the cast of Forbearance Presbyterian Church) welcomes comments. Write to her at Horizons, 100 Witherspoon St., Louisville, KY 40202-1396 or email wjohns4949@aol.com.

Can Ellen get used to being a "sidelined" Mom? What can the Esther Circle do to help her? Find out in the July/August 2004 issue of Horizons. Call 800/524-2612
or click here to
or click here to the July/August 2004 issue (HZN-04-230; $4 plus shipping) now.

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